I'm yours ♥

“life will be better in spring”

Dedications

Wednesday, March 30, 2011 || 6:59 PM

Got this idea off Audrey.

1. You know like everything about me. You know how to cheer me up & make me happy. You know how to show me the right paths to take. We don't really argue that much anymore, which I reckon is awesome (: You're such a great friend, and I really don't know where i'd be without you. You've been so close to me lately & you've made me feel better about myself. Thank you so much. You're a bit weird, but I still love you :D

2. You understand my pain. You understand what i go through & you give me advice on how to go through it. it means a lot to me. We were never really that close until late last year & this year we just got closer. You're a horny wrong-minded little bitch, but I love that about you (:

3. We're regularly pissed off at each other. I still haven't figured out why this always happens. But when we're not ignoring each other, I reckon you're quite awesome. You're a completely retarded but extremely cool friend. You know who you are. I wish we didn't have those stupid little spats. We're awesome without them (:

4. You say 'thankyou' FAR TOO MUCH. You really don't even have to say thank you at all, because what i do, is what any friend of yours would do for you. Thank you though, for helping me when i've been down & have had no idea of what to do with my life. Thanks for being there for me & Thank you for the great advice (:

5. You haven't looked properly happy in so long. It hurts me to see you like that & not be able to do anything about it. After all those times you've been there for me, I haven't really done anything for you. I just really want you to know, that you really mean a lot to me, and if you ever need anything, I'm here. I always will be. Thank you for being my awesome friend, & thank you for the support. Love you (:

That's It.
Guess who's who. It's not that hard :L

I'm out.

hey y'all

Wednesday, March 23, 2011 || 8:19 PM

Aaaand i'm back!
So, I'm like crazy bored atm.

To You: If you need to talk I'm here. Please don't say that sort of stuff about the in the next few years .... y'know .. it's worrying ):

I just wanted to say, your eyes make it far too obvious.

Yeah, anyway.
I'm like recovered from last week (Thank God). I'm still confused at what exactly overcame me. It was so weird. But yeah I'm Awesome. BOOYAH :P

I should go. Life is quite boring. :L

Shiv out.

attention seeking.

Friday, March 18, 2011 || 11:01 PM

I was NOT attention seeking. I can't help it if i cry. Do you want me to hold my tears in and cry when I get home? I'm sorry, not everyone can do that & you should know that I definitely can't. You have known me for about one & a half years. Therefore, I was NOT "flaunting" the fact that I was crying. If you hadn't realised while you kept looking at me to say somethign about me to your friend, I was trying to keep my tears in. but, I kind of broke down. It's been known to happen. Normal people get them. And yeah, I'm weird but I'm normal. Unlike you.
Oh & seriously? You think you don't attention seek? THAT IS A FUNNY JOKE.

Just saying.

my life atm ;

Saturday, March 12, 2011 || 12:52 AM

I feel like I'm changing. I don't understand this feeling. It's like I'm stronger but weaker at the same time. Like, I cry a lot less, but I cried today over something so tiny. It isn't making any sense to me. What was with that sudden outbreak of tears? Yes, it was only two tears before I had to wipe them away just in case someone realised. But it was still such an idiotic reason to cry. I felt so helpless, like I had no-one. Those few moments made me feel useless & weak.

I feel as we've grown closer this year. We seem to have more & more spats & small arguments, but I still feel so close to you. I like this feeling.

Is it weird that I read stories of rape & abuse? I will probably sound really selfish, but I read it because it reminds me that I don't have it bad. So many other people have it worse than me. Reading those stories is what makes me able to not hurt myself anymore & not just leave. Of course, my friends had impact on my decisions too.

I've thought of doing that again, but I thought of you guys, & it reminded me that there are people out there who care about me. And it made me happy.

Apparently, I don't smile as much anymore. I have to admit, I do fake my smile a lot now a days, & if anyone asked me why, I wouldn't be able to tell them, because truthfully, I'm not so sure myself. A lot goes through my mind in the course of one day. If there is no-one talking to me, then my mind wanders back to Year 8. And how insecure I was. How easily hurt I was. I wish that day wouldn't be so clear in my mind. That was the one day, I truly felt completely and utterly alone and humiliated and useless. I've never told anyone this, but it was the first time I did that. At the train station, where everyone I thought I was or use to be close to were laughing at me. Yeah, that day. It still haunts me.

I feel as if wherever I go, I get judged by my every move, but I'm going to put a stop to that and I'm going to be me. Shivani Jain. I'm going to do as I please & not have a care in the world of what other people think. 'Cause if i don't know them, I don't care what they think & if they're my friends they won't care. They'll be happy I'm happy, because that's what friends do :)

On a more positive note ..........................

Today, I had a great P.E lesson. I really enjoyed it. It made me feel so great about myself. I felt so happy to think that people really thought of me like that. Thank you to that small amount of people in 9K for making my day. (:

Rebecca & Jane;

Oh god, remember?

There are three types of -you know what- :

1. Here -points to place-

2. Here -points to place-

3. Here -points to place-

Oh wait. There's four.

4. And here -points to eyes-

& we were all guilty :P

'cause that's just how awesome we are ;D

To the Retard:

I'll hold you to our pact. (: