“life will be better in spring”

September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 November 2011

hey all.
i'm sleepy. but i can't sleep.
yes i am once again home.
i love being home.
but the reasons are just gay ==


i'm doing this dance for my bro's wedding.
i was watching the music vid.
and there are three main characters.
it's like ; a girl, a guy her age and an old dude.
the guy her age, want to go with her.
and the girl wants to go for the old guy. who must be like 25 years older than her.
eugh.

ANYWAH.

'yonk' it's such a funney word :L

you did nothing. i didn't cry at all because of you.
it's just that i really wanted to tell you everything that happened to me in this week
but it seemed you didn't want to talk to me.
i said sorry.
am i forgiven ?

when i tell you stuff, you listen
others don't.
thanks for the support (:
i need it

i wish i could tell you everything.
coz here i am now
looking at the computer, remembering about what happened this week and crying.
and thinking that if i could tell you. i would be so much happier.

i hope your mum understands, and you don't get into trouble.

now i must go.

laterrrrrs shiiiiv

i need you now more than ever


hey guys.

i am not at school to-day for resons no-one needs to know.
except for people who are close, and want to know ... :L
anyway, i am like dieing.
i can't dance because i ... wait nevermind.

i can't stand my life right now.
seriously.
i haven't cried so much in a week since ...
term 3 week 3 2009.
yes i remember the date.
weird ? i know.
that whole week is etched into my mind.
GAH.

the tears just keep coming.
how much i try to stop them it doesn't work
friend problems, family stress.
etc etc.
i think i'm slowly losing my life.
i believe i should go and jump in front of a truck or something.
i have thought of doing that before you know.
wait, you probably didn't.

i'm being all weird aren't i ?
well, guess what
DEAL WITH IT.

i can't take anything anymore.
the people i would usually tell everything to don't want to listen.

and you ;
i come to you, you don't say hi. you don't even turn around to talk to me. she comes, you turn around to talk to her. you know that hurts me a lot.

there's more but i won't say that here.

you ;
did i do something to piss you off, if i did i am very sorry. but, can at least tell me what it was?

the last, you ;
go away.

okay. done.

g2g now.
might change my skin.
i'm getting bored of it :L
am i pmsing ?
laterrrrs SHIV


know what ?
i can't even believe you guys read this.
it's so surprising.

ANYWAY.

i don't like the way you treat me.
i ask for something, i don't get it.
she asks for something, she gets it.
like i mean, seriously.
that's not nice.

if you want to do that over and over again, seriously. just stop bloody talking to me >.>

okay, now i'm going to tell you a story, a real story.

the names i use are not names of the actual people.

there was once this girl called abigail. she thought she had the bestest friends in the world. she told them ALL of her secrets. she trusted them with her heart. she cared for them when they were hurt. menatally or physically. and abigail thought they would do the same for her. then one day she fell over grazed her knee. then the bell went. and her friends saw her crying in pain but they just walked over to stand at assembly, thinking they would get in trouble if they stayed back. so abigail was left sprawled on the grass. then a little child in year one, saw her. the child came running towards her. and asked abigail if she was okay. then the child saw that abigail was bleeding. straight away, the child called a teacher.

after first aid, abigail trudged into class. everyone was silently working. she was going to sit next to her friends when she realised they hadn't saved a spot for her. there was one seat left in the class, and that was next to a girl that she didn't know very well. her name was annie. she sat down. after a few minutes, annie her if she was okay. this made abigail think for a long time. she thought if the people she called best friends were actually her best friends. she still forgave them.

the next day when abigail came to school, there was a big bandage on her leg. her friends didn't ask her if she was okay. she was really starting to doubt their friendship. annie was helping her walk around the school. they got closer and closer. and abigail and her group got further and further apart. it looked like abigail might've found a new best friend. she was overjoyed.

after a few weeks abigail saw that one of the girls in her group angelina, was crying. instead of just walking past her like everyone did, she went up to her and asked her what was wrong. and angelina said that the rest of her group had been talking about her. abigail was furious. she didn't know what to do. she knew if she told the teacher evreyone would hate her. and call her a 'dibby dobber'. so she invited angelina to join her group. angelina was over the moon.

these three girls stayed best friends for a long time. then angelina had to leave the school. abigail and annie cried for a long time. they finally got over it. and 2 months later, abigail finds out that annie's dad has been offered a very good job in india. he takes it. and so then annie left too. abigail thought evrything was gone. her friends her BEST FRIENDS were gone. and she would never see them again.

and from that day on, abigail knew that she couldn't cope with having a best friend. it would be way to traumatic if they left her like the others did.

the rest of her life until now, she has tried to choose her friends wisely. it worked until she got to highschool.




i'll leave it at that. the rest of this REAL story will stay a mistery.

laterrrs shiv.

p.s-this story is not necessarily about me. actually it is.

you know what. i'm all pissy again so i won't say hi.

AUDREY KIM. i need to talk to you~! NOOOWWWW

anyways, i want to rage
but my rages are WAYWAYWAYWAYWAYWAY too obvious.
so i shan't rage

but i am raging in my mind.
at one/two people.

ANYWAY.
back to more important things.
went crazzzzey in english AND science.
funfunfunfun.
but when i got home back to being sad and shit.
and like music and v.a were just pissing me off.'
luuunch was funnneeeeyyyy HILARIOUS.
fiona is soooooo funnneeeyyy ;D

anyway, g2g

ttyl bitches.

SHIUV ;D

i have so much hatred for you in my blood.

i want to eat the sun so that i can shine for you.
yea i know i'm selfish. (;

sometimesiwishiwoulddie,andgotoheaven.andtakeyoutherewithme.

heyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyhey !!!

you know what, i've been thinking A LOT.
weird ? yes i know.
things have been changing lately.
a lot.
i guess it's just adolescence and crap.
but like, i'm not sure.

i really really wish life had a delete button.
or even a undo button.
things change so quickly.

i love a lot of my friends.

and all some, wait no. none love me.

they mean a lot to me.

but do i mean that much to them?

i know i can be annoying.
but isn't their job as my friend to put up with me?
and not make me feel worse?
maybe it's just me.
i might have to change myself for others to like me.

but, one problem

i really don't want to do that.

i don't know. maybe i am really just a shit friend.
maybe it's true
it is possible isn't it?

anyway, i should really go.
so bye.

oh and once again i am very sorry.





HEY!

guess what this is my 69th post.
and on this post i'm going to rage.

i never said you couldn't be her friend.

but, you can't just tell her to sit with you,

when she obviously wants to sit with us.



as if i'm doing anything 'bad' to you right now.

just that thing you wanted me to forgive you for

is still spinning in my head.

you know, i did consider it.



but. no. never.



if it happens again, i will be so pissed.



anyway, yea, wedding photo's.
anyway, whoever told you about the wedding photo's i am so pissed at.
i'm not that bad you know.
i wonder if i will find out who.
heaps better than you at least.
but it can only be one of two.
Laterrrrrrrrrs shiv.



hey theere awesome ones noobs ;D

howz liife?

don't answer that, coz i don't wanna know.

omg i am so pissed off at LS.
i like want to go and scream at her so loudly.
like swear and all.

so, like to everyone else ;
just don't piss me off more.
please.
like seriously.

to-day was pretty weird you know.
i don't think i wanna talk about it right now.
maybe later.
i dunno.

anyway, bye?
i don't know if what i'm doing is right.maybe i should stop now.and just tell you to shut up.
cheer up little one (;

LATERRRRRRRSSSSS shiv :P



heyy audrey. :D

this post is for you!
you are my awesome roll call buddy.
you usually are able to make me smile.
at the dance you really did.
whoever in yr 7 thought you were a .... were REALLY stupid.
AND gay.
so be happy, and be yourself.
i know i can come to you if i need to.
that makes me feel so reassured that there's always gonna be someone there for me.
THANKYOU SO MUCH.
love you.

Shiv. (:

btw, what's your number? ;D

OMG. I am in english doing some piece of shit powerpoint presentation. I HATE IT. >.>

This the THE gayest subject right now. I am so pissed off as well.

So, don’t annoy me.

I feel like I did on Saturday. Everything is flashing back to me.

Kill me someone, KILL ME.


pleease


I want to go dig myself a hole, and bury myself in it.

I don’t want to be me.






I’m not going to forgive you.

Maybe one day, you’ll do it again.

Can I really trust you?

Let me answer that –


NO.


I need to do FREAKING English now. So tata

Latterrrsss SHIV.

Please be happy, if not for yourself, for me at least (:

okay, one/two more posts to go.

CYAA

Ohmy,ihateyou.poo blah

I wonder sometimes, if you really care. This is only when I cry, and you just stand there watching. Hello my name is Rebecca and I am so bored. Hehehehehehehehehehehehe I am so damn sped blah balh djksajdiwiowueiowueiowquoeiare you going to put this on your blog or whatever but I do and I can send it to you if I am bothered which I am most likely not going to be (: I am one lazy fuck (: I SWOOOOREEEEEE ehehehehe, I am a swearing pig (: pigggggggyyyy oink flap oink flap (: do you know what that`s the sound of ? pigs flyinnnnnnggg (: GEDDIIITTTTTTTTT no I obviously am not okay damn the teacher`s ((((: don`t put this on your blog or you`ll be an arssseee (: la la la I think I had too much chocolate. YES I had chocolate ARE YOU JEALOUS ? BECAUSE YOU SHOULD BE !!!!!! poooooo, too bad OH AND I`M GOING TO GET A HUG TODAY AHAHAHA, I am so damn happy hehehe, I don`t know i`ll NO NO NO NO NO I do not know hehe, yeah I think I have a fever and I am going craaazzzzy. 8D ooh look at that funny little face it looks so damn fffunnnnynyyyyy blahaiurheirewoiurowieutweioutoiweutiowet I am so damn sped even though I am like stoning at the computer screen right now == I am always like this unless like ricky does something really fail. Theeen I spAZZZZZZZZ WITH LAUGHTER OMG MY HANDS ARE NOT TRIED AREJOIURAEWOPIU RIOWI TAW[UI TJGKUIJT GIOERJKNIOFJDSHFKSHTIKTJUGJEHI AM FEELING SO CJAIOJUEIFEWIRUIOEWURIOWEURIOWEU GAAAAAAAAAY. Omg I am lame (: thee end.

Ok this is shivani again. How dfsfsjfbejkhtrkejwhrehrweihweiuheiurhwe oopies I am so sorry for sweariung a0etrjtortiowjtkwejtkjnekbn POOO BUUUJMMMMM D FSDFSDJFKESKFLEREJWIRWIERJnoo you can not this key I LOVE THIS ;/P[L. KEYBOARD. I miss my erwojiwerjwwei am invadidzxvfhdafhsuidhfds mno youcan not invade me (: seeee I win again hahahahah YOU LOS OIREW SJK. I SMELL OF RAIN AND CONDITIONER NO I DON`T HAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA, I AM NOT SPED AT ALL. BLAH BLAH BLAH SAYS MISTER PIGGGGGG

OK, I am finally back. I can now talk how ever much I want too! :D

Btw this is Rebecca again, I was not sped at the time I was writing all that crap, this is not a swear word btw mandy, (: .

ALRIGHTIES! I am officially back! :D anyway, back to what I was saying. REBECCA AND AMANDA I DO NOT WANT YOU TO READ THIS (yet), SO GO AND DO YOUR WORK YOU NAUGHTY LITTLE GIRLS!!!

Today, we had some Cybershot thingo. I MUST de-activate my fb account. Or just not go onto it anymore. Music is so boooring! I think they are still reading my blog. I wish they would STOP! Oh well, it doesn’t matter anymore, coz they’re gone now. (: YAY.

I’m in music riiight now blogging on the computer! :D back to the beginning of this blog, let me copy paste it. Wait a sec ….

Actually I cbb. :L

Ohmy,ihateyou.

She’s OUR friend NOT yours. DON’T suck up to HER. >.>

WE’RE more IMPORTANT than YOU.

You should know that. If you don’t you’re just being DUMB. Urgh!

BYE, I HAVE TO GO NOW.

STOP PISSING ME OFF.

i forgot what the red was all about ..

i posted this in music on the 4th of june.

two/three more posts to come.

CYAA

HEY! :D

OMG, I AM SO PISSED. I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO SAY HI.

FROM THIS DAY ONWARDS, YOU ARE never ever going to find out anything about my life.
EVER.
i mean it.
why i dislike people, who i like, people that piss me off.
ETC ETC.
ohmyfuck, i hate you so, so muuch.
CAN YOU NOT TELL ANYONE MY FRICKEN SECRETS!
why do you think they are called SECRETS?
you have no idea how much SHIT you just got yourself into.
NO IDEA.
STOP sucking up to people!

oh and btw,
SHE was OUR friend
YOU'RE just being her "FRINED" coz YOU have NO-ONE else.
she WANTED to sit with US.
BUT, you TOLD HER not TO.
JUST, cause you wouldn't have ANYONE tio sit with.
you're such a SELFISH GIT.

URGH.

BYE NOW.

oh and carissa,
i blogged.